the best kind of people are the really cute ones that you wanna cuddle and drink hot chocolate and go for walks in the park and watch dumb movies and build blanket forts with but also slam up against a wall and fuck their brains out
They say if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish…. then he’s got to get a fishing license, but he doesn’t have any money. So he’s got to get a job and pay taxes, and now you’re gonna audit the poor cocksucker because he’s not good with math.
So they’ll pull the IRS van up to your house and take all your shit. And you were just worried about eating a fucking fish, but you couldn’t ever cook the fish because you needed a permit for an open flame. Then the Health Dept. is going to start asking you a lot of questions about where you are going to dump the scales and guts. And ladies and gentlemen, if you get sick of it all at the end of the day, it’s not even legal to kill yourself. - Doug Stanhope